I hate books that start with titles like that. Whatever. It's business time.
If you're just joining
us me, then you won't know that I have what is called BRAVO Crew. This is the 'crew' of a theater 'workshop' at my school.
I had to go build and paint yesterday (Saturday), and I brought back a lot of stories.
First of all, I started talking about AVPM with a bunch of other people on my 'team', then we moved on to how the slogan 'Lick or Be Licked' is.
Oreo's sayings are of course followed by a string of dead baby jokes...
The snack that smiles back...BABIES.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a dead baby? There's no Cadillac in my garage.
Writing in bold makes me feel important.
Me and some guy got on the 'headset' during rehearsals, and nearly got in trouble for it too, until some other guys tried to talk into it as well, and got yelled at.
But now comes the highlight of my day and probably my week.
In the play we're working on, called Pirates of Penzance, a statue of a man is needed. We couldn't carve a stick person out of Styrofoam, that wouldn't be right. But we weren't exactly the best at free-drawing, so that was out too.
We eventually came down to two options, and both involved an 8th grader that had a creepy interest in me.
Our first idea was to dump paper-mache all over his body and feed him with a tube until the show was over, but our teacher thought that it was too dangerous and hurtful, so that was thrown out our virtual window.
The next was brought on by a random brilliance in the 5 or so of us.
We broke into the costume room and got out some sunshine yellow sweatpants, and told the 8th grader, Alex, to put them over his skinny jeans.
We then got him a black sweater about 2 sizes too small, and told him to just wear that, since he wouldn't be able to fit it over his shirt.
A stretched out hat with one eyehole was for his whole face, to make it a smooth surface.
Once he was ready, we instructed him to lay down on the bench in the 'Scene Shop' while we fetched two rolls of duct tape. I promptly taped his feet together, no chance of escape.
We got Jei's ok, and started to duct tape half of his body.
Alex had no idea what we had planned, but we told him to relax. Jei helped us with the taping, all the while the high-school spotlight director, Charlie, made a table five feet away.
After about an hour of work and help from one of the actors, we were satisfied.
'Charlie! Come here! We need your help!'
Charlie came over, and his eyes nearly popped. 'WHEN DID YOU DO THAT?'
'We've been working on this for nearly one and a half hours while you made a table.'
'Oh.'
We told Charlie to help lift duct-taped Alex up on to his feet.
Alex couldn't even talk or stand alone, so Charlie stood behind him and held him upright while I went to go and get the director.
'Ms. R, we have a surprise for you. We can't bring it out.'
She followed me into the room, and saw exactly what I saw, a teenager covered half in duct tape dressed like a bumblebee.
'Wow! This is awesome! It should be in the yearbook!'
After a lot of pictures, we realized we'd have to get Alex out of the duct-tape.
Jei took the biggest scissors she could find, and started to cut the hat, along with some of Alex's hair, off.
I went to talk to the guy through the headset a bit more again, and when I came back to the shop, I found a half-naked 8th grader parading around, waving pink Styrofoam pieces into the air.
I stood their in shock, partly because he was heading toward me, and partly because another guy called Tyler had come in with the recycling bin, screaming 'I'VE GOT THE MATH! I'VE GOT IT!'
We stuffed Alex's cocoon with math homework, and made a pretty decent looking person.
I'm still happy.
